please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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