i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
