I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
