my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
