God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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