last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
