I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
