You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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