fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
