sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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