Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
