I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
