are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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