Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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