how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
