weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
