Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
