thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
