dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
