I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
