Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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