i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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