whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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