I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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