So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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