All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
