i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
