i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
