my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
zippers are such a cool invention
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
