Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
