Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize