so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
