you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
