He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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