Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
