Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
