i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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