I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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