on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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