just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
