Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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