My cat gives me a boner
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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