You made me cry and you don't even care
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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