I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
