Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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