I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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