I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
