Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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