Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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