Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
