It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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