hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
