I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
