when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
only if we run a train.
done.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
