So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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