they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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