By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
