I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
