I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
