and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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