Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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