dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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