wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
