My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
